Group Intro

[oi_theoi]

Who: new kids
When: Day 57, Morning
Where: Shrine area
What: Arrivals

[More delicious fresh meat has been shipped in]


[Rapunzel | Subaru]

Comments

Re: [LATER]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[You have a hand tied to your bed.]

[Razzy is there. There is medicine on stand by on whatever nearby surface there is.]

Becca?

[pencilpremonition]

[reaches over and starts working on getting that hand untied, pointedly ignoring Razzy]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[Grabs her wrist.]

It's slow to untie knots one handed. That's the only reason I didn't tie up this hand. Don't make me have to.

[pencilpremonition]

[gives her a baleful look, pondering dropping into headspace to hang out with Dante and make Razzy freak out about her suddenly losing consciousness again]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[She can overshadow, girl. That won't end well.]

Becca, I'm six years old.

[Giving the most serious look.]

[pencilpremonition]

Sure don't act it.

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

Of course I don't.

[Let's go of her hand. Though she's still watching it. And getting the glass of water and medicine, holding them out to Becca.]

When I was born, I was twelve years old. That was six years ago. And I was a blank slate.

[pencilpremonition]

[takes the medicine and puts it in her mouth, then takes the water and swallows it]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[She continues talking, her voice even, but it's soft and just a bit tired.]

I am a clone. A created human being. There were some things that were off, so I wasn't the 'final product' of all the experiments. But I am the only one to 'survive' the experiments.

I left the lab I was made. That's why I did. However, I was on my own. I had no where to go. The only one who would show me kindness would be the first place they would have looked for me and that would have ended my life.

I refused to stay in one place, I always ran. Because of that, I never learned to understand people. And so when I made the move to try and save my own existence, I nearly killed that one person who would show me kindness. Because I couldn't see when I was lied to. Even though it was so...painfully obvious when I saw it again as a different person.

Had I continued as I was...I'm not sure I would have gotten much better. And someone that...stupid that much power would only end in tragedy. Because of that, Sabra La Tau was the best choice I could have made in my life. Despite everything that happened, I'm sure you've heard the horror stories...I was a one year old thirteen year old girl in an amnesia murdercave. Despite how horrible it was...

I would never change that decision.

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah yeah. I get it already, okay?

Everybody's better than me, everybody's suffered harder than me, anything that bothers me is nothing compared to what you guys went through so the fact that I ever feel sad or sorry for myself means I'm a terrible horrible no good very bad human being that should just fucking DIE so you guys don't have to look at me any more.

What ELSE do you want?

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[Shakes her head.]

You're missing the point completely, Becca.

And I wasn't done.

[pencilpremonition]

Can't I just mourn my lost friendship in peace?

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

Those who end things on impulse have no right to mourn until all their chances are exhausted. If you're not willing to listen, you don't have a right to mourn.

Luckily for you, I'm not leaving until I'm done.

[pencilpremonition]

I'm not talking about YOU.

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

[Maybe that's a relief...]

Then we'll get to that in a minute. For now, I want you to listen to my story. There's a point to it.

Who knows, it might help with your friend.

[pencilpremonition]

Nothing will help. I'll never be good enough for him. Go away.

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

No. And I think it might, if it's that.

[And continues anyway.]

The ultimate point to that, Becca, is I was a very, very, very stupid little girl. I didn't understand I could be lied to, I didn't know how to judge people properly, and I was a smiling liar because that's what I was taught to make me 'useful' before my seemingly unavoidable death. I had only the barest sense of right and wrong and I could ignore it so easily given the right pretty words.

When I went to Sabra La Tau, I had all my memories taken, I was back at square one. Except with a message from myself that said not to be fooled and that I could handle what was to come. She was mostly right. She assumed the worse because she'd been taken in enough to realize it. But except for one sort of scenario, everything she felt in her life would prepare her for what Sabra La Tau would throw at her.

I'm still not sure if it was fortunate or unfortunate I didn't get my worse memories till near the end.

But the biggest change in me was the people. Instead of a father who only saw me as a tool, I had a wonderful family. I had people who cared about me and encouraged me and despite all the hardships, despite the times where I've hit such low points and didn't know how to deal with things, I started to see and understand people. Because there were people I could trust. People I could see and learn about.

So, the little girl got better, don't you think? [Smiling.]

[pencilpremonition]

So what? I'm a failure, then. This place has been a miracle, I have friends, I have people I care about, that care about me...I don't get beaten and burned every day any more, and I'm still a nasty, miserable, hateful little shit.

So congratulations on being better than me. Again. Now go away.

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

Ah, perhaps I am.

Or maybe, perhaps I could have been.

If that's how the story ended.

But it's not.

In fact, I've often wondered if I ended up WORSE by the end of Sabra La Tau.

[pencilpremonition]

[baleful look]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

Not kidding. Sure, Dani almost got people killed and herself, but Razzy? At least Dani didn't leave that many mental SCARS.

Mostly it ended up being that no one wanted to tell the little girl she was being a dumbass and tell her how she needed to act. The encouragement helped in a lot of ways, but it didn't really help me in understanding people.

Heck, it took me several WEEKS to pick up that when Persona was asking questions, it was because she couldn't speak in anything else.

Of course, everyone was kind of crazy and I think they were just relieved I wasn't a broken little shell of a person, so they didn't have the heart to bring down my mood.

At least until I really messed up and it all came crashing down that I really had no damn clue what I was doing.

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah yeah. Sabra bad. You had a rough life. And because your life was so bad, nobody gives a shit about what mine was like because it CAN'T have been as bad as any of yours. Any time I'm upset or whatever, it's just cause I'm petty and weak and horrible and don't know how good I've got it and I should just shut up forever and be grateful I'm even here. I get it already!

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

NO, you don't.

You are missing the point.

Because when I did mess up badly? People DIDN'T let me off. I'm STILL not off the hook, no matter what he says, but that's because he's stupid. Heck, being a little girl bought me more sympathy than the situation itself.

When I did something that greatly injured my friend, something that really WAS horrible and couldn't be pinned on the excuse of a game, I was called out for it. It was the first time I messed up bad enough that someone felt like they had to sit me down and EXPLAIN stuff to me.

They told me what I did wrong. Do you know what that was?

[pencilpremonition]

Something terrible and horrible so bad I couldn't even comprehend it and therefore anything that ever upsets me isn't bad at all in comparison so I have no right to ever be upset about anything ever and getting upset despite that proves that I'm a horrible person that should just die and get it over with.

[where is my sword]

[ghostofthesparklelizards]

NO. [And that's a yell.]

What I did, what I did that was so wrong and horrible is nothing like that.

What I did WRONG was just one thing.

I didn't think how he'd feel.