thusia | (no subject)

[huffs a bit]

Only when they have to. Teammates.

. . . family.

. . . You sound like Ringo.

"Who was once thy friends and allies mattereth not to a Blank. Thy unit is thy family here. None other can thou trust."

If this is where you tell me you've abandoned Kogarasumaru and our other friends I'm going to break your fucking nose.

What? No, you idiot. Kogarasumaru's still mine, no matter what.

I just got a different way of thinking about it, now.

Don't quote me some bullshit if you don't believe in all of it, baby crow. It's easier to say they're a second team to you. If you remembered things properly, you'd know it's as good as saying the same thing.

I remember things just fine, asshole.

If you did then you'd be on your way back to the sky already.

Yeah, 'cuz we were just fine after the Skull Saders. Or after what Sora did. We didn't have any problems finding the sky again.

How long did we take either of those times? How long have you been grounded now? I get that it's worse, but you're not in that place now. You're here where there's a sky, double the supporters of either of your teams, and you're still whining about how it isn't enough to have the support of all those people and the wide open sky over your head. What more is it you think you need?

[. . . oh that's it. SURGES UP and grabs her by the front of her shirt, getting right in her face which requires some leaning over, god damn you're short]

You know what I need? I need everyone to get off my ass about it and give me time. I've been in a goddamn cage for the last year. And you know what happened when I tried to break out? I died. I let everyone down back home, because I couldn't get back. And that's fucking hard to deal with. And it's worse when teammate after teammate after important person keeps popping up here, when they should've lived.

[shakes her, hard, once] So excuse me if I've got some pathetic wings that can't keep me in the sky for long. I'm working on it, and the last thing I need is some naive little hatchling like you harping on me because I don't meet my own damn standards anymore!

[she's quiet while he gets out what he has to say, even when he shakes her, but as soon as he's done . . .]

[she hauls back her fist and socks him hard in the gut]

Who do you think you're calling a naive hatchling? You know what Sora-nee did to us! How Spitfire died and Aeon was captured! How Hako-chan was stolen right in front of us! And you know what? Do you want to know what I was doing when I died?

I was on my way to save Rika-nee and her baby.

Don't you dare talk down to me about not understanding what it is to feel like a failure like this. Half of those friends and teammates and family are mine too! You think I don't know what that feels like? WE ARE THE SAME GODDAMN PERSON, YOU BRAINDEAD CROW!

The problem I have with you is there is no cage here. You've been unlocked! You've had more time than me to adjust and feel your wings out again! And you've got all these people waiting on you to show them where to go from here, but all you can do is dwell on how you've failed instead of deciding to surge upwards and make up for those failings. To give them something better this time. They aren't going to look at me! I'm not theirs, so I can't do it for you!

Your flock is waiting. How long are you going to leave them grounded, Hurricane King?

[staggers back from the punch, but he doesn't let go - in fact, he lifts her up, because FUCK LEANING OVER FOR YOU]

You are a naive hatchling! You think I don't know about Rika-nee? Where do you think I was going to go first? And I know all of that - but if you get it, then why the fuck are you up my ass about it?

You have no idea what that cage was like - you're probably thinking "Oh, Minami Itsuki can break out of any cage, he's the goddamn emperor of the universe" or something along those lines, aren't you? That's how we've always thought, isn't it? Fuck cages, we can break out of 'em no matter what, we've done it before—I couldn't break out of that fucking cage. Do you know how many times my wings were destroyed? How many times I tried to fly but couldn't manage it? There was no sky there.

T-Take a look around, at everyone you see—they have someone to guide 'em here. They don't need me to fly for 'em anymore. But I know have to anyway, but I still—I-I still—

[f-fuck, lets her go] Do you think I'm proud, of this pathetic, shitty existence I'm living right now?

[GRABS HIS COLLAR TO YANK HIM DOWN TO HER LEVEL]

How much do you hate yourself, you stupid, stupid crow? I'll give you a break this once, but if you keep taking that hatred out on me because I don't feel like babying you like all the rest of your followers, I'll revoke that kindness.

[gives him a single sharp shake to emphasize her point]

[a-and . . .]

I know you're not proud of it. That's why I can't settle for ignoring you being like this. And even from what little I've heard . . . I know you couldn't break out. And how broken you and others became.

But you're still ignoring this open sky. This flock that's waiting . . . wishing for you to soar again. Just because they might have someone else doesn't mean they want someone else. They want you. Don't you remember the feeling when everyone gathered to watch Spitfire's message? Realizing what it meant that they still believed in us after we'd been useless for so long? That's exactly what's happened here, only you're too stubborn to see it clearly.

You and I both know forgetting the past isn't what needs to happen. All you have to do is break out of the cage you built for yourself. It's the only one that exists here.

If you want to be babied and act like everything's fine and you don't need any help, you're just going to stay on the ground like this forever.

[braces a hand on her shoulder as she tugs, but goes along with it this time]

. . .

I don't want to be babied. And I ain't taking my hatred out on you. I don't hate myself - I hate that I failed. That's it.

. . .

[goes quiet again, like he's done talking, but . . . it's quiet, low, only for them to hear]

I don't know how to break out.

[drops her voice to the same level, smile a little sad]

I still remember how. Want to follow me until you've found those wings again?

. . .

[swallows hard and nods]

Good. You get a break for now since I've already disciplined you for your disrespect and you have that woman to catch up with. We'll begin tomorrow.

Her name's Trigger. I got one condition.

. . . What condition?

Don't treat me like one of your followers.

Don't worry, I know you're on a level above any of them even if you're like this.

Good.

(no subject)

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