thusia | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Albinia and YOU
When: Day 64, noonish
Where: Shrine Area
What: A story.

[As promised, Albinia is sitting in the shrine area. The temperature might be a bit cooler there, but that's more for the snakes' discomfort than any of you.]

[And she's just calmly waiting for people to gather.]

[Mingle | Storytime! | Questions]

((OOC: You can handwave your character having been here to hear the story, even if you can't really post here yourself.))

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[There's an edge of frustration by now, but she's trying really hard to keep it out. Only have succeeding.]

Yes. I do.

Do you? Do you have a question about what happened, about that group, do you not understand the reasoning for why we hid the truth?

Or are you going to also start about the accusations about bringing people here? Because unless it is something new, I am going to cut you off. I am aware of dozens of reasons why we're terrible.

Are some of the things legitimately terrible and you should be upset about? Yes. They are.

Can I do anything this second to make it better? No. I can't. And honestly, unless you want to start making sacrifices left and right, I won't be able to for some of it and others require time to do. And for the repeating of history of Sabra La Tau, knowing the history is really the best thing we can do. There's certainly no way to convince any of you that it absolutely won't happen, so why even get into it?

[Speaking low and calmly and full of venom] You're going to cut me off? The goddess of responsibility is going to hide the truth, tell us she's aware we have reasons to get angry after finally revealing an inconsistent story, then refuse to acknowledge us if we voice it? I'm so sorry us getting upset with being lied to and dragged from being finally at peace to fight another war, over and over, always being the playthings of gods causes you such distress! [Getting worked up now, but takes a deep breath, voice dropping again.]

Why should you have to listen, there's really no need for you to take responsibility for the reactions you cause, is there?

Edited 2012-07-26 20:15 (UTC)

A part of responsibility is priority.

This meeting is getting you information that can save your lives. THAT is my priority.

If you want to yell at me, accuse me, whatever you want to do, do it another time. Come to my shrine, summon me, I'll listen to you and maybe I can do something to make you feel better. Most likely I won't be able to, because I've failed that several times already. I know how this goes. That's why it's pointless to listen now because it doesn't do anyone any good. You will still be angry, you will still hate me. All this does is upset us both.

But there are people who ARE interested in saving their own lives right now instead of their anger. You could have voiced this anger at any time, I'm sure you've had it since you got here. You're choosing a bad time to do it.

Shut up. Shut your mouth, what do you think we are? Who are you, to think you can tell us what to feel and when to feel it? You have no right, you have none to tell us this is a bad time. This is exactly the time! After hearing that, anyone would get upset. You're right, I have had this anger a long time, and I've left it to stew so long that I just can't anymore, I'm tired of holding it in! You... You think you can do these things to us, and say these things so easily, you think you have the right to take the high ground here? To tell us we're stupid, silly creatures for letting our emotions get the better of us? That's what you're doing. To everyone you say, now isn't the time, there are more important things... How heartless are you?

Do you think this is easy?!

[And there was actually a yell. Not just a slightly raised voice, but an outright yell.]

When people asked me this story the other day, before I decided to just tell all of you at once, I could barely get through it! For the last two days, I've been working on making a sealant for the flooding and steeling myself to tell this story! And you know why I did?

Because you needed to know. Not knowing could only hurt you now. But do you know how many of us could get through that story, could actually stay to answer questions? Not many!

You want to talk about heartless? FINE. How heartless is it to assume someone is okay after having to relive their world dying and they were powerless to stop it? How they failed billions of people they were responsible for, people they had to take care of? Then to throw it in their face, have people say you didn't try. Or have people act like it's a lie. Or how the vile creatures who got them all killed should be given a chance when we gave them so many!

Tell me, then, how is it heartless to not want to watch everyone die again?!

I was dragged into a war when I was six years old. My parents were murdered, and my village was destroyed, and I was dragged away from my brother to fight the monsters that did it for a god I hated. For years I watched my friends die, both at the hands of our enemies and the hands of our superiors. They were experimented on, tortured, killed for the sake of god.

Then I went to Sabra la Tau, another war for gods, watching everyone I love die over and over, being forced to play games that killed and tortured them, losing the people most important to me and being able to do nothing, nothing to save them from a horrific fate... Everyone died. Everyone. Even those who survived that battle in the name of gods and got back home were eventually hunted down, declared traitors by the people they worked for, devoted their lives to, my friends, my family... I was the last one left. For two years, I lived like that, I lived watching everyone I loved disappear before my eyes in the name of god.

And now I'm here. Not even dying gave me any rest from fighting for gods, dying didn't let my friends rest, we're always always the playthings of gods. And we're here, with your afterlife instead of our own, even if I die I may never see my brother and so many of the people who made up my world again. And that's on you.

But there are so many people here, that I wanted to build a life with, that I wanted to grow old with and live happily with. How many more times will I have to watch them die, how many more wars will I have to fight? How long until Lupe catches them and they're gone for good... It's not heartless to not want to watch everyone die again. But I've had to, over and over, because you think our suffering is worth it. I know you tried. This is you trying. This is you doing your best, fighting for everything you believe in... But you do it at the expense of all of us. You think it's reasonable that we fight your fights, that we build your world for you and you expect us to fight alongside you. I don't want to give those gods that decided we needed to know our place a chance. I don't want to give you a chance either. Because you're the one throwing everything in my face right now.

...

And I am reminded why I'm clearly a fool.

[And then her expression shuts down. No feelings at all, but instead of stiff as she would usually be, she's slumped. More like someone who just shut off instead of emotionless.]

This isn't helpful. None of this is helpful.

Unless it's about saving lives, I have things I need to do. Clearly this isn't the best use of my time to do that. Everything else can wait until this crisis is over.

[And then she's gone.]

Coward. We can't all run away so easily.

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