thusia | (no subject)

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Who: Dirk, Dave, curious individuals and whoever hears Dave's raucous vulgar mumbling
When: Day 89, morning
Where: same place new people always show up of course
What: two for one special

[there are two blond boys who look like they are probably brothers standing in the shrine area. they are both wearing radical shades, and one of them--with the round shades--is holding a broken sword, which seems to change states from being broken, to whole, to old and rusted, without any kind of prompting]

Oh my fucking god.

We are literally going to spend the rest of our afterlives being blown like a wayward tumbleweed between worlds and physical states until we land some place full of ghost centaurs where all the trees grow apples and all the grass is made of hay and they accept us into their tribe or herd or whatever the fuck horses or horsepeople call their gatherings with a welcoming neigh, tell us to lay our newly-acquisition hind quarters down and have an apple, spend the rest of our days frolicking in the clover fields engaging in incestuous horseporn.

And where the fuck did this sword come from.

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I want a breakfast nook.

[PICKS A DIRECTION, apartments look like they might be thisaway]

You don't even know how to eat at a table like a civilized individual.

Nobody ever eats in a fucking breakfast nook, shit. It's just so we can brag to all the neighbors.

[just looking for doors that don't appear obviously recently used]

Fine, you can have your nook. Apparently the gods are good for all manner of creature comforts.

As long as we prostitute ourselves out.

I've only skimmed their respective lists so far, but that may even be a literal option.

Thank god I wasn't skeeved out enough before.

No worries, bro. We don't have to share our sexual tension or any release thereof with anyone. Plenty of other ways to get some toilet paper around here.

Like getting some tentacle dong?

Ur'ghaste is more interested in seeing me do what I was apparently born for and just keep up the socially unacceptable observations and promoting the rich cultural values of incest.

So what are we on its payroll every time you toss a lustful stare my way? We'll be rolling in tentacles before long.

[=|a]

Unless you have a specific request for tentacles, I was more interested in magical pony transformation. Xe does have lube, though.

What.

No seriously.

That's a thing?

Lube?

Yes.

Lube.

What is this mysterious substance. Tell me its properties and uses because I sure as fuck could not name a single one

I'd rather just provide demonstration.

Were you holding that one back just to let it smack me in the face?

That description puts too much activity on my part. You just flat out walked into that one, bro.

[hmmm peeking into an apartment when no one answers a knock]

Good to know I still have some slay in getting dickslapped in the face.

You can even specify the exact number of dickslaps you think would do it for you.

[wanders in!

there's a couch and some other stuff in here, but doesn't look recently lived in]

Two and a half.

Have fun figuring out how to point-five a dickslap.

[following...]

Why don't I just let you return the favor and we can call it even.

[hmmm wanders into bathroom]

[poking around the living room and--]

Holy shit Dirk.

[peeking about out]

What?

[drops himself onto the couch, holding a console controller in either hand]

Welcome home, bro. All we need is a welcome mat for people to wipe their grubby feet on and monogrammed hand towels.