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Entry tags:
- chrono (pg),
- diarmuid ua duibhne (lancer),
- diarmuid ua duibhne (saber) (au),
- emiya kiritsugu,
- howard link (pg),
- ky sinclair (pg),
- ptou the messenger (pg),
- tempest,
- toph beifong,
- yamamoto takeshi (au),
- zexion (pg),
- {arche klein},
- {cayden hawksley (pg)},
- {irisviel von einzbern 1.0},
- {kotomine kirei (au)},
- {shadow link},
- {sumeragi subaru},
- {the climber},
- {wakana yuto},
- ~zhen ji,
- • days 050-059,
- ★ allen walker (pg),
- ★ gokudera hayato (scowl/nova) (pg)
Just a rainy day...
Who: Anyone
When: Day 59, Noon
Where: Anywhere
What: A soggy mingle.
[ The mist around headquarters is mostly cleared along with the morning air, but people may have noticed that it hung around much later into the morning than usual. The rain that started in last night has also been continuing, strong enough to be heard anywhere inside the stone headquarters and much heavier than one would expect for a sudden tropical rain. It also looks as if it'll be lasting the rest of the day and then some. Hope you've got plenty of indoor activities planned for the day. Or don't mind getting a little wet if you don't. ]
[ So what are your plans, Thusia? ]
When: Day 59, Noon
Where: Anywhere
What: A soggy mingle.
[ The mist around headquarters is mostly cleared along with the morning air, but people may have noticed that it hung around much later into the morning than usual. The rain that started in last night has also been continuing, strong enough to be heard anywhere inside the stone headquarters and much heavier than one would expect for a sudden tropical rain. It also looks as if it'll be lasting the rest of the day and then some. Hope you've got plenty of indoor activities planned for the day. Or don't mind getting a little wet if you don't. ]
[ So what are your plans, Thusia? ]
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I...you know how things went with Vio, right? I said...I said if he had just acknowledged me, I would have stopped...
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...?
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But....but I can't deny having things happen the way they do, changed me. And I don't think the change was bad. If anything, seeing ya...it's proven that maybe it was ultimately better for me to have it happen that way.
I only saw Link. And if he acknowledged me then, that's all I would have seen. But because of what happened, I saw more than that. For once...my world wasn't just him and maybe a glimpse of another girl.
I only exist in that way because of that...
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That event...made it so I could see more of the world than I did.
And ya made it so I did see more of it.
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[So this means...?]
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Then that's what I feel like with ya, Becca. I feel like I'm Link to ya. Like how Link was to me before Vio. That...at any moment, I'll break ya and I don't know if that'd be a good or a bad thing.
And that's also why I'm afraid to give ya everything ya ask for. Because I'm still changing. I have to fight to not be what I was. And to give ya everything ya ask of me means having someone in Link's place again, or close enough. It gives ya so much power and ya...
It wouldn't be hard for ya to make me a pitiful person again. As much as I hated pity, that's the best I deserved then.
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Shadow... I love you. But...I love you as an equal. I don't want either of us to 'be Link' to the other. I just...want to be equal to you. Want you to be equal to me.
Yes, you're important to me. You're desperately important to me. But...I'm learning to stand on my own, too, and...I wouldn't let you override that. Even if it was out of love.
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That's the thing, Becca. Ya...ya SAY that. And I keep believing ya, trusting ya to mean it, but ya never do. Ya give only the most paltry of effort and then yer back to how ya always are.
Ya say it, but ya never show it. I love ya, I do, but...but that's why yer dangerous. Because I do and ya never MEAN what ya say. Ya say ya'll do better, that ya only need something, but then ya demand more and more and act like if ya don't get it, ya'll be worst off than ya were before. And in the end, yer not better at all.
Ya...ya never MEAN what ya say...
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I'm working on it. I am. I don't...know what else I can say or do... Especially with you not believing what I say, how can I say that I'm working on it and have it mean anything? But I am, Shadow, I am.
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But...but if yer not, I can't be the person ya put all that dependence on. I have to fight to be good, to keep myself sane and grounded. I can't be the one to change myself AND ya...if ya lean on me that much...
Then it won't end well for ya. It won't end well for anyone. It's fine, it's GOOD to be friends. It's good to care and be there for each other.
But it's bad if I'm the one yer dependent on.
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[fidget fidget sigh]
I'll tell you about my brother's future, if you want. I...know what dependency does. I'm...really trying not to get that bad.
But friends are super important to me. Yeah, I'd die for you, I'd punch a moss lion in the face if it threatened you, but... I'd do that for Kidale and Muppet and Clarice and Razzy and Felicia... You're not...
You're the one I love the most. I won't, I can't lie about that. But you're not my everything. You're not the centre of my world. I promise.
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I want nothing more than to see it...
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If...that's the first one to work on...then...okay.
[steps forward to try for cuddles]
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[Sighs and leans against her.]
Please...I...don't want to lose ya...
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I'm...glad it's not gonna come to that.
[holds him tight]
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[Will hug her though, burying his safe against her shoulder.]
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