thusia | (no subject)

Is there any reason you feel the need to hide this. To cover it up as if it never happened! Oh what a court intrigue this would make!

[silent for a few moments]

... I'd rather not talk about it is all. It makes for more of a pathetic story rather than a court intrigue, really.

Even more of a reason to talk!

[since thread has been taken care of now!! hands are healed but it'll take a few days before they're 100% fine again so injuries are probably visible.]

Things got a little out of hand. Is that enough of an explanation for you?

I am not looking for you to explain yourself. Do not think me a fool who needs placating.

[looking away for a moment, feeling a little guilty. Not on the defensive anymore, though.]

... I'm sorry.

There is no need to say 'I'm fine' if you are not.

What should I say then? I can't afford to wallow in self-pity for much longer. I have to be fine.

For what purpose?

Being miserable doesn't suit me. Beside, I can't think of myself alone. There are other people I have responsibilities to.

Don't make me laugh. If you can't carry yourself then there is no way you can carry responsibilities. Being a liar trying desperately to hold up the banner of 'fine' doesn't suit you either.

[silent for a few moments]

... I said I was going to wait and thinks things through before taking any action, but—

I can't find an answer. What I should do, and what I want to do. I can't find an answer to either of those. I'm feeling lost and it's getting worse every day. Even the things that kept me going before aren't enough anymore, and it's becoming dangerous to indulge in them regardless.

I keep saying I'll be fine and that I'll get back on my feet— it's easy to believe that when talking with you. But the moment I'm on my own I feel lost again. I can't keep counting on you or others to pick me up at my worst— I should be stronger than this. Greed would laugh at me and call me pathetic if he saw me, and he isn't the only one.

So you are saying there is shame to count on others to pick you up.

No—! Friends are meant to support each other! But I won't be able to face either you or anyone who helped me if I keep falling after you've picked me up.

My people and comrades have always been my driving force. I will gladly accept their hand if it's extended to me! But I also need to find strength to stand on my own again.

I told you my story, did I not? And how my life ended in a dark despairing place where I was alone. I am a ruler, now and then but one of my biggest mistakes was thinking that my people would always back me. The other mistake would be thinking I could stand by myself. It is a small margin that we stand on, Prince of Xing.

You promised you'd walk this path with me no matter where it'd lead. Would you even if I were to disappoint you?

[ no hesitation ]

Of course. I can be disappointed in your actions and perhaps I will wish nothing more than to strike you. But it seems unlikely I will ever be disappointed in who you are. Life is full of tragedy, great and personal, but it is also full of triumph. Without one the other loses its sharpness. So your tears will sting and perhaps so will my fist against your face. But there is no way you will walk that I will not go with.

[just looking at her, a little taken aback by how quickly she managed to answer]

[and then he's covering his face with a hand, but he's laughing]

Casually mentioning you'll strike me and punch me... really, you're cruel. But I get it. I understand your feelings, Saber. I won't lie again, you have my word.

I am a tyrant.

[ and then casually tries to punch him in the shoulder -- hard ]

[TAKING IT LIKE A MAN-- by which i mean he's going to suffer]

—argh! Already!?

Do not tell me that you don't deserve that.

[massaging his shoulderrrr]

It's mean when I can't strike back.

And why would that be?

[showing her his hands]

Gilgamesh. I got a healer, but it'll take a few days before they're fine again. I need to take it easy for a bit.