thusia | (no subject)

. . .

[grabs her cheek lightly and tugs]

Don't lie.

[Laughs, and it's kind of choked, but hey.]

I'm trying to stay collected for you.

You really suck at it . . . seriously, what are you even crying about?

[Takes a deep breath and rubs her cheeks dry.]

Nothing. I'm not crying.

. . .

I don't need you to stop just because you don't want to cry in front of me, I just want to know what upset you so I can . . . not do that, or something.

[Too bad, because stopping for the sake of not crying in front of him is exactly what she's doing.]

It isn't you or anything that you've done that upsets me.

[She harbours an unhealthy amount of hatred and despair towards the Order nowadays, is all.]

. . . if you don't want to talk, we won't talk, then.

You want to know?

[Really?]

Yes.

[Well, in that case. She's going to have to take another deep breath before she says anything, just to keep herself composed.]

Everything the Order did... to you and Alma, to Allen, to everyone... they'll never stop. No matter what, if it's to win the war, they'll keep experimenting. They'll keep hurting people. And I hate them, for being that way. I'm sure Brother will be trapped there until the very end, because he tied himself completely to that place for my sake— but that... that's not it.

Ever since we were little, you would let me stay with you when I was upset. You acted so strong and tough, like nothing scared you, and never asked me why I felt the way I did. Even though the things they did to me were nothing like what they did to you.

[Reaches up for just a moment, brushing her fingertips lightly across his cheek.]

I wonder what kind of face Kanda had, back then. Would it be as stern as this one is?

[pulls back, as if stung, though his expression doesn't shift much]

What . . .?

Ah... [Brings her hand to her chest, fingers curling.] Sorry.

That was more than I should have said, wasn't it.

. . .

[cups her face firmly, very firmly, in both hands, making her look at him]

Lenalee. I'm not pushing you off. Alma didn't tell you some things probably because—they're mine to tell. You're my friend, and it's my story. And I couldn't talk about it before. But . . . maybe I could now. Just don't be confusing—you have to be clear.

[Immediately goes quiet, blinking hard and fast. She can maybe list the number of times Kanda's called her his friend on one hand. Hearing it said aloud for once is...]

I just don't want to pry until you close me out again.

[someone's been learning some hard lessons]

. . . I'm offering.

[Closes her fingers lightly around his wrists.] Kanda...

What?

...Thank you. [She doesn't need to ask questions this very second, she doesn't think. This is enough. This implicit trust, the fact that he would answer them. Right now, she doesn't have to press.]

. . .

[just nods]

[It's time for a hug.

Don't argue.]

[. . . sighs, but lightly wraps an arm around her]

[Deal with it.]

I'm glad we're friends, Kanda. Even if it was because of the horrible things the Order did that we met.

It couldn't be helped.

It still means a lot.

[pats her hair]

Sure.