Because even now, you are still dedicated to improving.

The responsibility that was given to you was not one that came with guides and instructions. On the contrary, it is one where others begin to expect those things from you, even though your experience was no greater than anyone else's, especially in light of your patchwork memories.

There are a great many individuals who would find it easy to make excuses for their failings. Especially given that many of them in your case, would be entirely legitimate. And yet, you don't. You acknowledge that you can do better, and better is what you attempt. Again, and again, even if the progress each time is only slight, and the self-recrimination sharper when you are frustrated that it has not been more.