You're looking for gratification. You're looking for people to see you and tell you you're doing a good job, what you want is people to admire you and like you, but like this... Becca, what you did to that girl was cruel. You can't find what you want with the new arrivals, those are people that have just died. They're scared, and sad and need their own time. Sometimes their own time will involve yelling at people, sometimes they're angry. But you can't handle it when they get angry at you. You can't cope with that, and you lash out, and everyone thinks you're behaving terribly. You can't get anything you want this way. And you can't force him to love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry but you can't.